Embracing Open Adoption

Women all over the nation are finding out they are pregnant and they feel completely alone. They look to abortion as the answer because of fear of the unknown. Fear can feel overwhelming and many women feel pressure to make a quick decision. They don’t know where to turn and they think their life and dreams are over.

Making a major decision can be stressful. Sometimes, people think that just picking an option will provide clarity. But what if you change your mind? Is it possible to go back?

Relationships can be amazing and fun or challenging and difficult. Both people in the relationship have value and worth and deserve to be treated well by their partner. It takes both people working together to have a healthy relationship. A Healthy Relationship: Respects the others opinions, beliefs and boundaries Actively listens to the other person to gain understanding not just to form a response. Is kind and treats the other person the way they want to be treated Is honest and truthful in all situations- no “white” lies Understands and is able to empathize when the other is going through a difficult time Perseveres standing strong together in tough times Protects Trusts to do things independently as well as together Gives, being able to compromise An Unhealthy Relationship: Jealous does not trus Possessive-demanding of your time Selfish– not giving Intimidating- willfully scares Easily angered – not understanding Demanding- wants what they want when they want it Arrogant- thinks they are better than you Stubborn- not willing to compromise Forceful/Hurtful- does not respect you or your boundaries While this is not an extensive list, it gives you a good idea of the differences of a healthy vs. unhealthy relationship. Any relationship can go through a tough time. However, if you are in an unhealthy relationship that attacks your value and worth, there needs to be a change. If you are unmarried, you may need to put a hold on the relationship and seek counseling. If your partner is unwilling to see a counselor, you may need to move on. If you are married, you definitely need to seek counseling. Working on a relationship is not easy. Both partners need to be ready to work, make changes and grow into a more loving and solid relationship.

From teen pregnancy to advanced maternal age, pregnancy at any age can come with risks. We are often told that pregnancy in our teen years or over the age of 35 comes with possible increased risk to Mom and baby. But, what are those risks? Should a woman be concerned if she is a pregnant teenager or a woman over the age of 35? Teen pregnancy: Many of the risks of teen pregnancy tend to be socioeconomic risks. These risks include: Unplanned Pregnancy Lack of or inadequate prenatal care Lack of preparation for having a newborn Difficulty completing high school or going to college Being a single parent Lack of support or resources Many of these socioeconomic factors can be helped with good support from family or resources such as pregnancy resource centers. AbbaCare and other pregnancy resource centers can come alongside adolescent pregnant women and families to help ensure they are well-prepared and supported. Many pregnancy resource centers offer material support (diapers, wipes, formula, clothing, and other newborn supplies), parenting classes, childbirth classes, counseling, support groups, and mentor moms. There are some increased medical risks associated with adolescent pregnancy. These include an increased risk of pregnancy-induced high blood pressure, premature labor, low birth weight, and an increased risk of post-partum depression. These medical risks tend to decrease with adequate prenatal care and support throughout the pregnancy. Teens who are pregnant should immediately stop all drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. They should also get into prenatal care as soon as possible. Pregnancy over the age of 35 : Many women are told that if they are pregnant over the age of 35 they are considered high risk due to their age. Increased age can come with more risks but it is not guaranteed that any of those risks could happen. Here are some of the increased medical risks associated with pregnancy over the age of 35: Increased risk of twins or multiple gestation Increased risk of gestational diabetes Increased risk of developing high blood pressure during pregnancy Increased risk of premature birth or having a baby with a low birth weight Increased risk of C-Section Increased risk of chromosomal conditions such as Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), Trisomy 18, or Trisomy 13. Increased risk of miscarriage or pregnancy loss. What can women over the age of 35 do to decrease these risks? They can: Make a preconception appointment with an OB/GYN or get into prenatal care as soon as they find out about their pregnancy. Seek regular prenatal care Eat a healthy diet Gain weight wisely Get regular exercise Immediately stop any alcohol, drug or tobacco use. AbbaCare is a pregnancy resource center serving women and families facing pregnancies that are unexpected or unexpectedly difficult. To learn more about our free, confidential services, visit abbacare.org . Sources: Mayo Clinic Nationwide Children’s Web MD

There are many definitions of sexual assault; some broad and some narrow. This results in problems in reporting, both over reporting and under reporting. In their book, Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault, Justin and Lindsey Holcomb define sexual assault as, “any type of sexual behavior or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of authority.” The authors go on to say that, “This definition . . . expands the spectrum of actions to be considered sexual assault.” This expanded definition helps victims who need to have a clear understanding of what exactly sexual assault is. Understanding helps survivors to know several things: They are not alone If they have experienced sexual assault, it is a crime. They are not responsible for their assault There are services available that cater to their needs Statistics on sexual assault are disturbingly high. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports, “Over half of women and almost 1 in 3 men have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact during their lifetimes.” As you can see, sexual abuse is sadly a common experience, and one that cuts to the very being of a person. That is a difficult thing for us to think about, because behind the statistics are people. The reality is that more than likely someone you love has suffered from sexual assault. Perhaps you personally know the pain that comes from the violation of your will and body. What does it look like to live in the aftermath of such a horrible experience? For many, their lives are riddled with emotional, psychological, and/or physiological effects. Rid of my Disgrace offers an expansive list of effects, some are listed below,

Is it possible to feed a large family on a single income without busting your budget? With a little creative planning, it is! Read on for tried and true tips from a mom of four. Shopping Where? The days of coupon cutting are over. Sure, you can find a good coupon deal every now and then, but for the most part where you shop will have more of an impact on your budget. Aldi is a great resource for budget friendly finds. They have a nice variety of kid approved prepackaged snacks that are easy on the wallet. Normally, anything that isn’t made from scratch is going to cost too much to justify the expense, but stores such as Aldi make it easier to say yes to that box of gummy bears they want to pack in their lunch. Sharp Shopper also has great deals on groceries, just be sure to check expiration dates for the freshest picks. Compare! Comparison shopping can save a lot of money, if you have the time to devote to it. Knowing the usual price of your particular pantry’s staples is key, if you are short on time. Save receipts and keep a list of those staples and prices for future reference. When the price of your favorite brand goes up, it may be time to switch to another brand that’s more affordable Look there! Always, always, always look for the sticker that tells you the unit price on an item. The lower the unit price, the better the deal, and if you have a lot of mouths to feed, a better deal matters! Cooking Being an “ingredients household” may mean the kids can’t grab a snack instead of waiting for dinner to be served, but that will help your finances, and their appetites, in the long run. Here’s another example of how investing a little time can save you some dough (the spendable kind): Meal planning and prep. Meals fully cooked from scratch are going to yield you the biggest savings. This usually requires the largest time commitment. Resources like the Passionate Penny Pincher can help you learn how to prep enough freezer meals in two hours to last for 2 weeks! Planning ahead is key. If you have a wide range of ages to feed, include things like pasta or sweet potatoes that are appropriate for toddlers to teens. Rice, beans, and ground meat are other basic foods that can be simplified or seasoned up for various ages and preferences. These double as some of the best use of your grocery dollars, as well. It’s tempting to try and please everyone at your table with every meal. As a mother of a particularly picky child, I get it. A good rule of thumb is to plan and prepare the most nutritious, affordable foods you can. There may be a learning curve, especially if you are used to convenience foods, but with some time you just might find you and your children prefer simple home-cooked meals. Not all of these changes have to happen overnight, but you can start with a single step to save money and provide nutritious meals for you and your family! Set achievable goals at a pace that works for you and have fun saving! AbbaCare is a pregnancy resource center serving Winchester Virginia, Martinsburg West Virginia, and the Northern Shenandoah Valley. To learn more about our free and confidential services, visit our website today.

It seems that every year the holiday season comes a little quicker than the previous year, taking us by surprise when it’s mid-November and we don’t have a plan for our holiday spending. Sound familiar? Don’t fret, Christmas can be a memorable holiday regardless of how little or how much you spend. But, if you want to look into holiday budgeting this season, read below for ways to start saving now! TRAVELING The holidays are a time when many people travel out of town to visit loved ones. Some easy ways to save money are to buy travel tickets in advance, drive your own vehicle, use public transportation and travel during the “off-season.” You can often save money by staying with friends and family or even finding a rental home big enough to split the cost with others who are traveling as well. If flying is the only option, check out this resource on how to make the most out of booking airlines and saving money: https://www.gobankingrates.com/saving-money/travel/how-to-travel-for-cheap-around-christmas/ HOSTING Christmastime is often a season of gatherings, usually involving food, decor and activities. Maybe you are the one hosting everyone this year and you are looking for ways not to break the bank while also making Christmas beautiful for your loved ones. If that’s the case, and you want your holiday decorations to stand out, look for creative new ways you can re-use your decor or even find some DIY ideas that you can also turn into group activities. One of the best ways to save money is to have people pitch in! Whether that means you ask your guests to bring food, plan activities, or just have people help you put it all together, allow others to help you, if they are able! There are so many free group games and activities you can find online that are a really fun way to bring people together, and there’s nothing wrong with keeping things simple and small scale. GIFT GIVING One of the easiest ways to go overboard with holiday spending is with gifts! But, if you’re trying to stick to a budget, this is a great opportunity to plan ahead and might even lead to some creative, money-saving ideas. First, you could simply decide what your budget is and divide that accordingly, or just decide to stay under a certain amount for whomever you want to buy gifts for. You could take things a step further and work something out with family members and decide to do something like a “Secret Santa” gift exchange, so you’re only buying gifts for one person. A fun way to save money and have a personal touch is to give handmade gifts , and if you start this year, you can start saving bags and boxes to recycle the gift-wrapping to use again! There are many creative ways to save money and these are just a few ideas to get you started! Figure out where you want to spend the majority of your time and energy, then, budget accordingly. Have fun saving and giving this holiday season! AbbaCare is a nonprofit Pregnancy Resource Center currently serving in the Winchester, VA and Martinsburg, WV areas. Please contact us to schedule a free and confidential consultation appointment today.

Scenario 2: The father wants an abortion but the mother doesn’t. Now let’s talk about what it looks like when the roles are reversed. A woman finds out that she is pregnant and quickly learns that she and her partner are not on the same page. She wants to continue the pregnancy but her partner wants to terminate. Immediately, a woman may be feeling unable to continue alone, unsupported or unloved by her partner, and powerless in this situation. She may feel hopeless-but there is still hope! With the right support and resources, like those provided by AbbaCare, women can be empowered to embrace their pregnancy with confidence. A woman should start by informing herself and her partner with the facts, and even if there is resistance, share their thoughts with their partner! Show them the pictures, the heartbeat, and encourage them to see things from your perspective. If that feels scary, here at AbbaCare we have a men’s coaching program where men are equipped to walk alongside the father of the baby and encourage them. There is hope! Even if the father decides to leave in this situation, a woman should still feel empowered to move forward in her pregnancy. By providing material assistance, classes, and referrals to local medical and maternity resources, AbbaCare is ready to face this challenge alongside these women. Just know, the father of the baby has no legal right to make a woman abort her pregnancy, and if a mother is experiencing any type of abusive behavior from their partner, a way out is possible. Local shelters such as The Laurel Center provide safe housing and educational resources to women and their children fleeing an abusive home situation. Abortion regret is real, and oftentimes mothers suffer psychologically, physically, or both. If a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy, we are here to help. Come Together Ultimately, what it takes to tackle these divisive problems is to come together and talk about it. Parents should feel empowered to share their fears and thoughts. Every relationship is different from their experiences, to financial stability, family dynamics and housing issues. Sometimes pregnancy decisions are not the only issues people are facing; it can be daunting to face an unplanned pregnancy when dealing with several other stressors. At AbbaCare, we want parents to know they can receive support not only from us, but also from many other local organizations who are equipped to help families just like them. In the midst of a life-changing situation, it is important to slow down, breathe, be informed and find hope. AbbaCare is a pregnancy resource center serving women, men, and families facing unexpected pregnancies. To learn more about our free, confidential services, visit abbacare.org .

“How did this happen?” “How do I tell my partner?” “I can’t handle a child.” “What do I do next?” A positive pregnancy test result from an unplanned pregnancy can produce questions like the ones above. The expectant mother may be overwhelmed with uncertainty and disbelief. The problems she sees are big, and they seem even bigger when the father of the baby isn’t on the same page. What does it look like when a mother desires to carry a pregnancy to term but the father of the baby doesn’t, and vice versa? How can couples come together on this issue? What does the law say about this? What resources are available during this time of crisis? Before making a pregnancy decision, it is vital to confirm several things about pregnancy. A woman needs to confirm the pregnancy location (in the uterus or not), viability (capable of continued life and growth), and the estimated gestational age of the baby. An ultrasound can determine all of this information. Scenario 1: The mother wants an abortion but the father of the baby doesn’t. What can be done if the woman has decided to have an abortion, but her partner wants her to have the baby? After getting the answers, and following the process above, the woman is now educated and informed, ready to make a decision. Ideally, she and the father will discuss the information together, and share their feelings about each option. Even though they are on different pages, it is important to see it from every angle, know legal rights and ultimately make a decision. If possible, the couple should make the choice together, but according to Family Law Rights it is the sole legal obligation of the pregnant woman to make this decision, and a father’s consent is not required. “Should a male’s pregnant partner wish to seek an abortion, the male’s consent is not required by law. A woman may make the choice to terminate a pregnancy, even if the alleged father objects to the procedure. The reasoning behind this is twofold, based on the woman’s right to medical privacy and the fact of the female body being more directly affected by the pregnancy. During the Supreme Court Case of Planned Parenthood vs. Danforth , the court ruled that requiring a father’s consent to having an abortion was unconstitutional since a male’s refusal would essentially veto the woman’s right to choose.” Problem solved, right? Not necessarily. While it may provide relief to know that the law is on the side of the woman carrying the child, there is still an immense responsibility in making that decision. So how does anyone considering all of the options decide? They seek council. By talking to other women who have made the choice to carry or to terminate their pregnancy, families can find support and the resources they need to make an educated and informed decision. There is no need to feel rushed or pressured. It is especially important for them to talk to their partner and find out why they want this child, how they want to support this baby, and how they can work together to make a decision. Here at AbbaCare we are here to provide material and educational resources, and most of all love and support for the women and men that walk through our doors and are facing a tough pregnancy decision. Across the nation, Pregnancy Resource Centers just like AbbaCare provide free pregnancy testing, free ultrasounds, free STI/STD testing, and many other free resources to the women and families in their community with the goal of empowering women and families to make informed decisions. For women who do obtain an abortion, AbbaCare provides anonymous abortion recovery through our Past Abortion Care and Encouragement ( PACE ) program. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with a past abortion experience, there is hope and healing. Reach out today. Visit our next blog, Scenario 2 “The father wants an abortion but the mother doesn’t.” AbbaCare is a pregnancy resource center serving women, men, and families facing unexpected pregnancies. To learn more about our free, confidential services, visit abbacare.org .